Hi Michelle,Sandy,
No disrespect to Tom, but I'd suggest letting the lyrics develop by themselves. You've already got a great sketch for the story. Let Tom's ideas mesh into your song subconsciously if they are going to. Don't force it.
I'd suggest trying to find the progression and the mood of the song now. That will help you refine the words and story to complement wherever you land with the music.
I recently read a great book by Shawn Colvin - Diamond in the Rough, which Ness recommended to me. I think you'd enjoy it actually. Anyway in it she describes her song writing process. The lyrics for Sunny Came Home started out about a packet of cigarettes believe it or not.
Similarly I remember Neil telling a story about how Yesterday by the Beatles started out with scrambled eggs in it and other non-sense stuff.
Find the music and the words will continue to come to you just as they are now.
Have fun.
Shel
the basic structure is a skelleton. What I am suggesting is ways to add clothes to the body of it. If your song lacks story and information
then it won't go anywhere and will be boring. You will lose the audience. What I have written is not intended to be the song, just ways of doing things to tell the story. If you don't do that you can end up with a rambling pop song that we hear a lot of on the radio today.
The song should develop from Sandy because we don't want her to be pulled this way and that. I've been through this process with Daryl and the song was completely of his own making in the end. The best songs are writen from personal experience and from within.
Tom.