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First and Foremost, thanks to everyone who gave me so much honest and constructive feedback on the first version of this song. I tried to incorporate most of your thoughts and ideas. Feel free to give me any and all constructive feedback on this version as it has helped me tremendously.

I wrote the lyrics to this tune to express my grief over how we as people are being divided.

Thanks,

Bud

HI Buddy, good changes, I like it a lot. I think that your light strumming is mixing very well and it change the pace. Your singing tonality varies quite well.

Good work, now a song about joy

Marc

Thanks

Marc, Thanks much for your input on this tune. It's funny, I am a very peaceful and content person but this song just really jumped out for me.

Bud

Dermot, thanks for the feedback and the ideas on this track as I found them very helpful.

Bud

Buddy,

I missed the first version of this song, but I like what you're doing with this version. I like the variation in the softer picking versus the slightly heavier strumming in the chorus. It's really cool that you're working on writing your own songs. That's something I keep telling myself I should really try to do- but covers are just so much easier

Suzi

Good integration of the suggestions from the feed back Buddy... this is more refined. Good going!

schm040 wrote:

Buddy,

Holy crap that is great. I feel sorry for that brook trout!!!

You seem really open to inspiration and suggestions so maybe I could offer that you incorporate "a middle 8" bridge with some double time strumming. It could be instrumental and perhaps play either some full barres or small d shape versions of your Gs and Fs at the 5th and 7th positions. Take a look at the Sandman lesson Neil just did where he goes over the 32 second note strumming. Maybe something like that with a moving bass line.

I think it is a beautifully dark song so maybe add some additional tension with augmented 7ths or 9ths as well in the "fast bridge"....oh yeah, this doesn't have to be a bridge but could be a quick outro or intro as well.

Incredible. Keep writing.

Matt

Matt, Thanks for you comments, suggestions and encouragement on this. I laughed at your comments about the brook trout. I used the word brook in this song because it has a dual meaning in that the alternative definition of brook means to tolerate or put up with something that is not positive. I was trying to create a double image with the hook and the brook oohoo:

Hi Buddy,

This effort is really worth pursuing ... now let me tear it to bits (just joking)

It has an appropriate mood (smouldering ?) for the lyrics : mystery and tension. Develop that, it really works.

What I would humbly suggest for the chorus, for example, from 1:10 to 1:45, is the following:

You repeat a 4 chord progression 4 times ... 16 in all, says the math whiz !

The strumming is: "down down up up down" for each of the 4 chords (16 times, remember ?).

I feel that if you vary that strumming pattern somewhat it will make it much more interesting, will draw the listener in even more.
A lot more bang for very little buck.

I'm anxious for the next version !

Pierre