FREE AMP to the best bulls--t artist

tovo
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Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:27 pm

jletourn wrote:
I thought for a second that I might have enough posts now but I was mistaken.
Its killing me too. You see, from the time I was strong enough to detune a perfectly tuned guitar I wished and hoped for just such an acoustic amp and a way to show the world that I was creative enough to win it. What was I thinking ? Guys like me never win.
Why?
"I'm a loser baby..." and this amp is so "Very(radio edit)special, I wish I was special but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here?, I don't belong here..." because I only have nine posts
Hey c'mon man don't be negative. Stay with it you will get there. Just don't give up...deal?


__m__
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Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:34 pm

jletourn wrote:
I thought for a second that I might have enough posts now but I was mistaken.
Its killing me too. You see, from the time I was strong enough to detune a perfectly tuned guitar I wished and hoped for just such an acoustic amp and a way to show the world that I was creative enough to win it. What was I thinking ? Guys like me never win.
Why?
"I'm a loser baby..." and this amp is so "Very(radio edit)special, I wish I was special but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here?, I don't belong here..." because I only have nine posts

:laugh: You are cracking me up! :laugh:


songman52
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:12 am

At first I thought, "Wow! I'd love to have that amp!" But after I came to my senses I began to think, "WHY? Why would I want an amp? So I could hear my lousy playing even louder!?!? So maybe the neighbors might hear my lousy playing?? So the cat has more warning? What is wrong with me? Am I nuts??"
But maybe, just maybe if I won that amp and heard the screeching louder it would motivate me to improve my playing and practice more. So I guess I would like to win the amp.

Great contest regardless! Thanks.


AndyT
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:54 am

Well, I posted the truth about what I would use it for, now I wonder if I should've posted something else. Not lies mind you, but perhaps an interesting story about how and why it really doesn't matter who is chosen because the amp itself has already decided. I mean, it really wants to come out of the closet. It's led a sheltered life and needs to find itself. It yearns to travel. Travel to a place where it never need worry about freezing and having its circuits get brittle. A place where it can freely express itself at the top of its lungs. Let it breathe man, LET IT BREATHE!

Well, I suppose I could have posted something like that. Maybe I should have.


bobsaxon
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:16 pm

Mr. P. W. Gibbons
a.k.a. “PGTigercat” or as I am known today "Ojaiguitarplayer"

Re: Your letter to Santa Clause postmarked Dec. 12, 2009

I was shocked and grievously injured to receive the letter you wrote to me regarding, as I understood it, an alleged Elvis Presley Model Guitar which was not delivered to you on Christmas 1961. After receiving this news I conferred with several of my chief administrator Elves and records were searched. We have found that when you met me on December 12, 1961, you distinctly asked for a “crate of Aqua Velva” and not the aforementioned “Elvis Guitar.” In fact, while you sat on my knee and told me what you wanted, you also said several other things which have been noted in my files. You called me a “overstuffed red dude” and you had the effrontery to attempt to “borrow” my sleigh but fortunately I managed to catch you on time.

Surely you can appreciate the difficulty involved with delivering presents accurately and at great speed to 162 million children on the night of December 24th every year. Mrs. Claus and I always held you, in particular, in the highest regards, as we were deeply concerned with your low standings on the “Naughty and Nice” list. No matter how many times you were told to be a nice boy, you still called people “punks” and developed a chronic wallet-stealing habit. You charged outlandishly high prices at your lemonade stand, where you actually sold glasses of water with a few drops of yellow food coloring in them. Despite all of this I dutifully brought you all your requested items, year after year, until finally I couldn’t take it anymore and quit delivering your crap you wanted every Christmas.

Just as I was beginning to hope that you might have OD’ed on Aqua Velva or something, I get this pathetic letter from you. In this letter you purport that I, Santa Clause, am to blame for your errant and deviant life of mild petty theft (“borrowing” as you still stubbornly call it), rudeness, senseless insulting of thousands of Rookie guitar players (who were always higher on the Naughty and Nice List than you were, I might add), among many other things.

Not only were you not content enough to blame me for your perverted life, but you made no hesitation to levy several deep and serious insults at my person. I quote from your letter “fat old red costume wearing elf abusing unfair to reindeer loser punk,” and also, “over-stuffed elf, reindeer-smelling punk, Saint Punkolas, butt scratching, nose picking, booger eating scum sucker.”

THEN you proceed to threaten my person and property, and you distinctly threaten to “cook the reindeer up on the barbi.”

Of course I was much disturbed by this but, it being Christmas time, the season of forgiveness, I decided to ignore your bad manners and deliver your lengthy list of “demands” as you had mentioned in the letter.

After considerable time and expense I proceeded with your myriad junk you wanted (Aqua Velva, leisure suits, et al), and I landed with my sleigh upon your roof. However, it was improperly shingled and I fell and twisted my ankle. I don’t know how you get fire insurance, if you even have it, with such a terrible roof. Anyways, it seemed that my ankle injury was not too serious and I collected your crap and tried to go down your chimney. Your chimney was negligently dirty, seems it has not been cleaned in decades, and you had also failed to remove the fireplace grating from the hearth. In the ensuing fall many bottles of Aqua Velva were smashed and the noxious fumes began to irritate my eyes, causing partial blindness.

By the way, I happen to be the type of person often referred to as an “eggshell.”

My injuries were deemed serious by a licensed medical practitioner and I hold you accountable for all my medical fees, which are still accruing.

I also have no choice but to contact my attorney who is instigating a libel suit for $500,000. This may do a little to compensate for my hurt feelings.

Get a lawyer. I’ll see you in court, jerk.

Very best wishes, hoping this letter finds you in the best of holiday cheer,



SANTA F. CLAUSE


heatndude
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:18 pm

I need to add a few post to get into this. Does this one count ?


RicksPick
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Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:58 pm

Here is my entry

Two points to start

2. If you can't be clever, at least be passionate.
That's what the wife says :(

3. If you can't be passionate, at least be desperate.
Have you seen the wife? :ohmy:

Yes I am desperate because Santa's sack is empty this year
Spent up on the wife and kid
With the credit crunch someone has to go without.
But maybe there is a Santa out there? :unsure:

RicksPick


AndyT
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 1:14 am

Mr, Gibbons, aka, "Ojaiguitarplayer",

Your letter to ‘Santa Clause’ has been forwarded to our office as we represent Mr. Kringle in all his legal affairs.

We wish to bring to your attention that further correspondence from you will be considered actionable. Your past with our client shows a prolific history of abuse and, not only of our client. Your family and co-workers have been contacted and depositions taken. The matter is ready for court. We have all the evidence we need to convict.

In order to encourage your participation in your settlement ordered rehabilitation, we are sending forthwith all of your gifts for the next 5 years. Please accept the coal in the spirit in which it was given. Your signature on the settlement requires you to not only accept the gifts, but refrain from further requests for gifts, or gift like items, or monetary funds in any currency or denomination.

We here at Fleecem, Goode and Howe are not devoid of emotion at this time of year, so to assist in your recovery we have made agreements on your behalf with the victims of your last several illegal events. They no longer expect full restitution. It has been agreed that all your gifts, no matter the source, shall be given to them and divided as appropriate until such time as they no longer recall the horrendous things you did to them. We also strongly suggest years of professional counseling and possibly massive drug therapy for yourself.

Your cooperation is fully expected in this matter.


Sincerely,
W.E. Fleecem


heyjoe
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:33 am

Hello Dennis

Part of me was so tempted to say " If you give me the amp I'll give you a karma point", ahem :P , but I decided against that!

I'm not in the market for another amp, I just wanted to say that I think what you are going is a lovely gesture. Also, if no-one comes up to standard, have you thought of maybe selling the amp on a well known internet based auction website, and maybe donating the cash to your favourite charity? Just a thought.

Joe

p.s you're getting a positive karma point from me for the gesture


frybaby
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:00 pm

Father played in a garage band in the 60s. Joe Banana and theBunch.
First break, town preacher head them practicing and needed a band for his revival.
Opening with In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, the crowd loved the organ.
Next, Let’s Spend the Night Together.The congregation grew, restless.
To recover, Light My Fire, Dad, doing his Jim Morrison impression.
The preacher and several deacons rush the stage; my father fell into the baptism pool and was electrocuted.
Before he and his equipment were fried, he promised to send me a guitar message from beyond. I’m sure he could contact me with this amp.


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