Guitar etiquette - Playing someone else's guitar

AcousticAl
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:15 pm

I'm interested in what the larger group has to say about this topic. I find that I'm somewhat conflicted.

I am (almost) always slightly hesitant to let someone I don't know well play my guitar. Why? I don't really know. Its a nice, somewhat expensive guitar, and I have what I suspect is an irrational fear that somehow they're going to do something 'bad' to it -- damage it in someway. I quickly (as in, seconds at most) recognize the fear is largely irrational, and generally allow most folks to have a go and everything thus far has turned out fine, of course.

On the flip side, I often really want to try out other people's guitars, and most especially the nice ones. I also am quite sure I won't do anything to damage it, and would almost certainly be somewhat put off if I sensed hesitancy on their part -- which, so far, I don't think I have. Its grossly hypocritical, of course, but I suspect I'm not the only one who has this dichotomy.

Finally, what do folks think about using someone's guitar without permission? This was prompted by Chasplaya's latest blog entry (thanks, Chas, good read and quite personal). This does seem to cross a clear line, re: using things in general... but again this irrationally seems even more 'wrong' with a guitar. Yet, if I were in a friend's house, or even a friend of a friend's house, I would be strongly tempted to pick up a guitar that was sitting on a stand and play a bit.

Thoughts?

Other guitar etiquette conundrums to discuss?


dennisg
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:31 pm

It's an interesting question. (By the way, I wish you had a pronounceable name.) In the past three weeks, my wife and I have hosted two parties, during which the subject of guitar playing came up. After I spent several minutes evangelizing about TG, I invited the guitar players to try my Taylor, which they were only too happy to do. So I don't really have a problem with people using my guitar.

Where I'd draw the line is here: my Taylor I leave in its case because I keep it humidified. My Guild I leave in a stand. If I weren't home, I'd have no problem with someone picking up my Guild and playing it, but I wouldn't want someone opening up the case to play the Taylor. Somehow, opening up the case is an invasion of my privacy.

If i were at someone else's house, and I saw a guitar in a stand, I wouldn't touch it unless I got someone's (not necessarily the guitar owner's, but maybe a spouse's) permission.

- Dennis (in Seattle)


suziko
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:52 pm

I have had the exact same feelings you described and I imagine most of us have.

I have a 7 year old, and it has been interesting to watch how she and her friends all have such a hard time sharing, especially sharing things they really like. For whatever reason, maybe it's a survival mechanism, people seem hard-wired to not want to share. Thankfully, we teach our children that sharing is the right thing to do, and most of us all learn to share. But that doesn't mean it's always easy.

My feeling on the matter is that it's the right thing to do, to let a friend play your guitar, assuming they're not drunk or acting crazy or something. Chances are, they won't damage it. And f I was at someone's house and their guitar was sitting out (and they weren't there), I would play it. I don't really see that as unethical, like going through their underwear drawer or something. If someone had a piano, you wouldn't feel like you were doing something inappropriate if you sat down and played it.


suziko
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:56 pm

Dennis posted while I was posting, so I didn't see what he wrote until after. I agree that if a guitar is in a case, there's no way I would take it out of the case and play it. Somehow, it being in the case changes its status. But a guitar set out on a stand seems like fair game. If my host or hostess were there, I'd ask first. But if for some reason they weren't, like I was house sitting, I would feel comfortable playing the guitar and leaving it as I found it.


dennisg
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:28 pm

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad to hear that others have some similar feelings. Suzie, I think I'm on the same page with you.

Others, like Dennis (where are you writing from, by the way? ;) ) at least, has either overcome these (or never had them) and is totally comfortable with sharing his guitar. I suspect my possessive instincts will subside in time as I play with more folks and have more exchange with other players.

I agree with the case thing as well -- opening a case to play someone's guitar unsolicited seems a clear violation. A guitar in a case is clearly one that the owner has deliberate, careful care-and-handling intention around.

One thing I definitely find: when I do play other guitars, 9 times out of 10 I'm grateful for how my own guitar plays!

Cheers.


Chasplaya
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:36 pm

Seeing as how it was my Blog that prompted this discussion, I should add my tuppence worth. For those that haven't read my Blog yet (shame on you lol) I have a guitar at work tuned to Double Drop D, and for three days in a row I came into my office and had to re tune it as it was way out, I couldn't understand this but blamed the atrocious Aircon we have. Then a friend came in from the next office and said my guitar must be crap as every night he came in to play it he had to retune it as it was way out!! As an aside I don't know what he tuned it to as it wasn't in any recognisable tuning I know. My first reaction was 'How dare he touch my guitar when I'm not around!' I didn't say anything to him as I was a bit shellshocked at someone else playing my guitar, let alone coming into my office. I did see the funny side though with the tuning business. Now this guitar is quite old and is a laminate top Epiphone circa mid 80's but you wouldn't know it was a laminate to listen to it. Had it been one of my other top end guitars I wouldn't have been happy at all. Personally, I wouldn't touch another persons guitar without an invite to do so first no matter how tempting it was. Top end guitars aint cheap and I would be scared to damage it, hey accidents do happen! I get nervous when friends ask to play any of mine. My guitars at home are all on wall hangers or on stands, that way they get played more frequently and they are good to look at. But I do get nervous when people are around them, more so if they are not guitarists and don't understand or appreciate the cost of them or how personal a guitar can actually become to someone. SO bottom line I wouldn't touch anothers guitar unless invited, kinda like I wouldn't jump in my neighbours M5 BMW without asking, just cos its sitting there is not an invite to go for a joy ride. Some things maybe meant for sharing but some are not in my book.


AndyT
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:44 pm

I teach our kids that if it's not yours, do not touch it without permission. Its really that simple. It doesn't matter what it is. a guitar, a peice of paper, a car...

Lets say that a man loved to play guitar and he dies and his wife keeps it on display as a remembrance of him. Is it ok to play it? Only with her permission.

Actually, it really does not matter. It is always correct to ask permission.


AndyT
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:48 pm

Chas, I would have asked him if his parents taught him to ask permission first. That's extremely rude.


AndyT
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:52 pm

Another quick example.

If a guitar (car keys) is sitting out next to the sofa, is it ok to just pick it up and play (go for a drive)? Of course not! you must ask permission always.


Chasplaya
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Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:53 pm

AndyT wrote:
Chas, I would have asked him if his parents taught him to ask permission first. That's extremely rude.
It is rude and I shall tell him next time i see him. I was actually quite concerned about him being in my office, I hold a lot of personal staff records in my office and also exam stuff so really not good him being there. Cops by nature are inquisitve people so its not uncommon for them to look around places they maybe shouldn't. You would think a Police Station (the office / admin side) would be a safe place and no need to lock doors but actually its quite the opposite I'm beginning to realise.


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