Giving Children the opportunity to learn

suziko
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Fri Aug 13, 2010 8:21 am

My daughter Emma is 8 and up until very recently she showed no interest in learning an instrument. We talked about getting a piano, but she would always say that she would only play if she could play "her songs" (which basically just meant hitting random keys or smacking them all down). I have a Baby Taylor which I bought, in part, because I thought it would make a good kid-sized guitar (you can find all ways to justify these purchases!). But whenever I asked her if she wanted to play, she'd say no.

But in the last month I've noticed a sudden change in her. She has started asking me if I'll give her guitar lessons, and when I do she really does seem interested in what I'm telling her. She'll even, outside of lessons, show me her fingers and ask, "What chord am I playing right now?" I'm amazed at how much she remembers from one lesson to another. With most adults, if you show them a chord one day, 3 days later they probably won't remember how to make it without being reminded, but Emma remembers the shapes of the chord from one lesson to another. The biggest problem is overcoming the discomfort of pushing down on strings, but that'll come in time.

The other day we did a little "jam session" where I played a song and she strummed along with me. In truth, most of the time she was playing no chord, or the chord she was trying to play was muted and buzzing, but she had a great time strumming along with me and singing. And right now I'd rather encourage the love of music and the joy of playing with someone, than worry about technique. If you see how wonderful it is to play with someone (or play by yourself, for that matter), you'll want to learn to play better. Or at least I hope so!


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Music Junkie
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Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:52 am

suziko wrote:
The other day we did a little "jam session" where I played a song and she strummed along with me. In truth, most of the time she was playing no chord, or the chord she was trying to play was muted and buzzing, but she had a great time strumming along with me and singing. And right now I'd rather encourage the love of music and the joy of playing with someone, than worry about technique. If you see how wonderful it is to play with someone (or play by yourself, for that matter), you'll want to learn to play better. Or at least I hope so!
You nailed it here Suzi (IMO anyway). Get the love of music started at an early age and it will stick with them. They may not pursue it actively, but it will always be there and that is good. My youngest son is the same way. When Dom and I get our guitars out at night, Dalton wants to get his out. For the longest time he would just pull in the strings and de-tune the thing so badly that it would take me several minutes to get it back..... :woohoo: :woohoo:

The last few weeks though, I notice him watching and then asking how to make a chord. He can't finger the chords at all yet, but I'll be darned if the little dude doesn't have a pretty decent rhythm in him. He can keep the strum pattern somewhat close and he is smiling like crazy. When they are both sitting there and laughing and talking about a certain song, it is a great moment. They both are currently singing all the Journey songs ALL THE TIME...... I like Journey, but the never ending songs are tough sometimes.... :silly: :silly:

I just feel darn thankful that I have something that they want to share with me besides Dragonball Z or Phineas & Ferb (although both shows are actually kind of cool in a geeky kind of way)..... B)

J


willem
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Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:47 am

No words needed,,i love it a..







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Music Junkie
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Sun Aug 15, 2010 12:02 pm

Willem:

Nice post man, I loved it. There is some young talent there. They are better than me by a long shot!

J


Catman
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Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:44 pm

Music Junkie wrote:
They are better than me by a long shot!
Better looking too... :)


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Music Junkie
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Sun Aug 15, 2010 8:21 pm

Catman wrote:
Music Junkie wrote:
They are better than me by a long shot!
Better looking too... :)
Touche.......... :P :P

I jab you back, but I can't argue that point....... :silly: :silly:

J


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neverfoundthetime
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Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:13 am

Motivation is the key, as always with kids. I've seen so many different cases of parents guiding, encouraging or forcing their kids to play instruments or sports. I've seen the whole spectrum of success and failure. Although I advocate encouragement and gentle guidance and setting a good example (as does everyone else here), I know that there will surely be times where a lot of tough love may be needed too! Kids can't judge and decide for themselves on these issues, the younger they are the more so. Teenagers should be able to make a better call but, as we all know, you make some spectacularly stupid decisions at that stage too! If there's interest then finding ways to help youngsters to go further and learn more and become re-motivated is key. I've certainly found that you will have to be a lot more circumspect with your own child as the direct route usually entangles you in the parent/child power struggle. Farming your child out to someone you trust and with the right competences is a great way forward. You can steer development from afar.

Plugging your child in to a group of other kids the same age involved in the same activity is the best way to ensure that they stick to the hobby. Finding friends who like to do the same is the glue that will keep them stuck to the activity. Making compliments not to your child directly but about them to someone else (with your child within earshot) is often a more powerful form of encouragement than the direct "hey, that was great" as it avoids the negating of praise that often goes on subconsciously in the person being praised.

I've tried all of this and although its a longer way to go I found all of these steps to work really well, certainly better than openly pushing the child ...the pay-back and retaliation for that is waiting further down the line as sure as night follows day! Its just a question of when it happens and not if.

For me, a mix of encouragement, setting the environment and creating "accidental" learning experiences and involving others who can help is the way I'd go and I'd set certain conditions and make clear what the expectations are as things progress and be tough when it's called for. We parents need to make those tough calls, a kid's a kid and that is not their job.

This was my experience with Alessandra (13) this weekend. On Saturday she gave up squash FOR EVER after narrowly losing to a 40 year old top 20 ranked player in Switzerland at our local squash club summer bash. 10 minutes later she beats her daddy in the next match (fair and square, although I was cold :-)) and then she's over the moon telling everyone about it and giving me a big Bwuhahahah! every 2 minutes for the next hour. The next day she not only happily submitted herself to an hour's English coaching from her daddy she actually went running for the first time ever to start build up her squash fitness for the coming season. All I did was tell she could quit any time she wanted, manipulate a little motivation experience and show her gently how to start running to build up endurance and rode my bike along side her as she ran (and hid my frustration and exasperation at her teenager behaviour!!). We had a wonderful weekend! Which was a little better than last weekend's bout of screaming and shouting at each other! :-)


tovo
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Mon Aug 16, 2010 2:31 pm

Chris there's some good tips in there. Yes, I made some "spectacularly stupid" decisions as a teenager for sure, and it didn't stop there I might add.

I think the time spent working on fitness for both of you is time well spent. Not just for sport, but Alessandra will need to be fit to keep ahead of all the young lads chasing her, and you will need to be fit to fight them off! Good luck with that!

I appreciate not just Chris' response but all the very thoughtful advice from everyone here, thanks all. It seems that I'm not too far off the mark with my approach.


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neverfoundthetime
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Mon Aug 16, 2010 2:53 pm

You are certainly on the mark Tony! Nice thread. I'll pass your comments on to Ale... she's a big fan of the green man on TG (she says, he's nice, isn't he) :-)


wiley
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Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:12 am



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