Well I guess the word 'impress' can be interpreted in different ways...
However I dó want whoever is listening to me to like it (for instance here at TG), or even more so to just have a good time, that is when I'm performing on stage for example, but also with a bunch of people during some bbq or whatever occasion...When I see people enjoying themselves by singing their hearts out or dancing, I'm the happiest person at that very moment, I can't feel more content then!
Then again, sometimes at the end of an evening full of music or whatever, when people are relaxed and in the mood to hear a song by mé in particular, I mean just me singing and playing, and I see a couple of friends who I've known for a very long time looking at me with such proud faces, well ....yeah being able to 'impress' them is thé most special thing..
Vanessa
Whom to impress?
Chris,
I agree with almost everything you said. Like you, I also think it's a completely natural impulse to want to impress people. But just because an impulse is natural doesn't make it a healthy thing to submit to, as I'm reminded every time I meet an attractive woman. It's also natural to want people to listen to what you have to say, but most of us manage to stifle our impulse to interrupt people with whom we're having a conversation, no matter how absurd we think they are or how meaningful we believe our own point of view is.
Sure, I would prefer that people like my playing rather than have them dislike it. Obviously, I care enough about making an impression that I post a video of me and Tony in a thread whose purpose is not to solicit input from Neil, but instead to gather kudos from my fellow players. It feels good to know that 30-odd people like what I'm doing. What I'm talking about is the degree to which I feel it's healthy to submit to my natural desire to impress people. In me, the desire to impress is strong; my inclination to submit to the desire is far less strong.
I agree with almost everything you said. Like you, I also think it's a completely natural impulse to want to impress people. But just because an impulse is natural doesn't make it a healthy thing to submit to, as I'm reminded every time I meet an attractive woman. It's also natural to want people to listen to what you have to say, but most of us manage to stifle our impulse to interrupt people with whom we're having a conversation, no matter how absurd we think they are or how meaningful we believe our own point of view is.
Sure, I would prefer that people like my playing rather than have them dislike it. Obviously, I care enough about making an impression that I post a video of me and Tony in a thread whose purpose is not to solicit input from Neil, but instead to gather kudos from my fellow players. It feels good to know that 30-odd people like what I'm doing. What I'm talking about is the degree to which I feel it's healthy to submit to my natural desire to impress people. In me, the desire to impress is strong; my inclination to submit to the desire is far less strong.
Well the nature of me, Scott Butler, is a guy that has a hard time settling for second best. Every thing I've ever done, I've always been my own worst judge.
So when it comes to my playing, I have to say that I'm more like Chas, in that I have to make myself happy, as I don't play for anyone else. Althought my wife and daughter get a mega dose of everything I do in the house, because the ceilings in my log home are the same tounge and groove pine as Neil has in his lesson cabin. So the sound is louder down in the kitchen than it is in my man cave. They don't mention it much, but occasionally I hear them humming to themselves, a song that I'm working on. So maybe they are impressed without saying anything.
But anyway, sometimes I have days that everything seems to work and I've impressed myself. Thats always good enough.
Scott
So when it comes to my playing, I have to say that I'm more like Chas, in that I have to make myself happy, as I don't play for anyone else. Althought my wife and daughter get a mega dose of everything I do in the house, because the ceilings in my log home are the same tounge and groove pine as Neil has in his lesson cabin. So the sound is louder down in the kitchen than it is in my man cave. They don't mention it much, but occasionally I hear them humming to themselves, a song that I'm working on. So maybe they are impressed without saying anything.
But anyway, sometimes I have days that everything seems to work and I've impressed myself. Thats always good enough.
Scott
-
neverfoundthetime
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Sat Aug 01, 2009 2:14 pm
- Status: Offline
Yes, Dennis, that sounds like the balance I mentioned.Chris,
I agree with almost everything you said. Like you, I also think it's a completely natural impulse to want to impress people. But just because an impulse is natural doesn't make it a healthy thing to submit to, as I'm reminded every time I meet an attractive woman. It's also natural to want people to listen to what you have to say, but most of us manage to stifle our impulse to interrupt people with whom we're having a conversation, no matter how absurd we think they are or how meaningful we believe our own point of view is.
Sure, I would prefer that people like my playing rather than have them dislike it. Obviously, I care enough about making an impression that I post a video of me and Tony in a thread whose purpose is not to solicit input from Neil, but instead to gather kudos from my fellow players. It feels good to know that 30-odd people like what I'm doing. What I'm talking about is the degree to which I feel it's healthy to submit to my natural desire to impress people. In me, the desire to impress is strong; my inclination to submit to the desire is far less strong.
These impulses are always there and recognising and accepting them is a healthy part of behaving in an appropriate and authentic way.
I guess we have all seen those negative examples where folks haven't had the sense to suppress their instinct to impress on American Idol / X-FActor / Britain's Got Talent etc. We all cringe when someone gets it wrong, that's for sure!
Some really good points made in this thread. For me, my desire is less about impressing, more about not disappointing. I don't want to disappoint or have people scratch their heads thinking "man what can I say to this guy that is positive when it's so very bad".
Something I read long ago has always stuck in my head that I think is relevant here. The hypothesis was that people are generally motivated by 2 things; a fear of failure or a love of success. For me it is definitely the former. I don't know what that says about me....I'm sure Chris, you can tell me!
Similarly, I am more concerned with receiving respect for my playing than gushing praise. The later makes me uncomfortable. Again, don't really know why.
Something I read long ago has always stuck in my head that I think is relevant here. The hypothesis was that people are generally motivated by 2 things; a fear of failure or a love of success. For me it is definitely the former. I don't know what that says about me....I'm sure Chris, you can tell me!
Similarly, I am more concerned with receiving respect for my playing than gushing praise. The later makes me uncomfortable. Again, don't really know why.
wrench wrote:
@ Dan,,who are those people,,,,they have only a nose..i wonder how they breathe..well thats simple i geuss it goes automatical..
daryl wrote:+1I wish I could impress my wife.
There is danger in wanting to impress someone, and that danger is simply that some people just aren't impressed with anything for any reason.
@ Dan,,who are those people,,,,they have only a nose..i wonder how they breathe..well thats simple i geuss it goes automatical..
-
neverfoundthetime
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Sat Aug 01, 2009 2:14 pm
- Status: Offline
Tony, as Lucy's sign (Peanuts by Chrales M Schultz) would say, THE DOCTOR IS IN:ome really good points made in this thread. For me, my desire is less about impressing, more about not disappointing. I don't want to disappoint or have people scratch their heads thinking "man what can I say to this guy that is positive when it's so very bad".
Something I read long ago has always stuck in my head that I think is relevant here. The hypothesis was that people are generally motivated by 2 things; a fear of failure or a love of success. For me it is definitely the former. I don't know what that says about me....I'm sure Chris, you can tell me!
Similarly, I am more concerned with receiving respect for my playing than gushing praise. The later makes me uncomfortable. Again, don't really know why.
You are right on the money, people tend to be defeat avoiders or victory seekers. Avoiding defeat is a prime motivator and in Tennis good examples would be Jimmy Connors, Ivan Lendle, Andre Aggasi and Rafa Nadal. Victory seekers would be Roger Federer, Martina Hingis, BJ King, Martina Navratalova. Connors said he hated losing more than he liked winning. Aggasi said something similar. So we do fall into one category or the other... but we have components of both and of course, both the negative motivation (avoiding defeat or an unpleasant feeling) and the positive (going for the win or pleasant feeling) take us in the same direction.
I would say I am like you and also in greater fear of failure than I am in love with success. It's not good or bad, its just the way we tick. It makes us good fighters.
We feel uncomfortable about taking on too much praise because we live in a negative world where society slaps our hand time and again and we get parking tickets, speeding fines and told off for every mistake we make but rarely get a pat on the back for something we get right. Or have you ever received a ticket on your windscreen for parking correctly?
Actually, I was addressing this very subject on Sunday with some coaches at the Nat. Sport School and the subject of positive and negative motivation came up and I made the parking comment. In the afternoon, one of the participant brings me a green card which he found on his windscreen and it said: Thank you for respecting our rules and parking correctly and paying the tariff! Well, there you go, we do live and learn after all!
With my present skill set, ( a low-level intermediate) I find it to be a high falootin goal to set out to impress people...mostly an exercise in futility. It is even dangerous, as wrench says. It is also dangerous to label oneself a low-level intermediate. Which leads me to my point... I think there is a basic human need to seek some sort of validation for an activity that most of us spend a great deal of time working on. For most of us here, our presence at T.G. signifies we want to improve.
But then again, the simple joy of adding my own silly, funky, poorly-played, chaotic noises to the fabric of the universe is generally reward enough in, itself.
It really is true, that guitar is a lot like golf, and the art of love. You don't have to be good at it to get pleasure out of it. I stink at both of those things too. But I sure do enjoy 'em.
Cori
But then again, the simple joy of adding my own silly, funky, poorly-played, chaotic noises to the fabric of the universe is generally reward enough in, itself.
It really is true, that guitar is a lot like golf, and the art of love. You don't have to be good at it to get pleasure out of it. I stink at both of those things too. But I sure do enjoy 'em.
Cori
-
AcousticAl
- Posts: 0
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:10 pm
- Status: Offline
You're all way too deep on this subject.
You gotta impress the chicks!
OK- that's for the under-20 crowd on TG. As my buddy Matt told me at a get-together on the weekend- I missed that boat over 20 years ago!!
I like Tony's point about not disappointing-- Either myself or others I'm playing with.
I actually played guitar with a friend a few weeks ago. Hadn't seen each other in years and decided to get together to play some songs and catch up.
I was disappointed in my playing that night. I wasn't prepared and turned into that 'bits & pieces player' that I thought I was moving away from! I'd start a song that either I hadn't played in a long time or just didn't have a good handle on- and just lose the plot. Didn't happen every time- but enough to annoy me (and probably him!)
Anyways- I'd like to be that solid, go-to player that can play lots of songs, all the way through, well.
I'll be impressed when I get there.
You gotta impress the chicks!
OK- that's for the under-20 crowd on TG. As my buddy Matt told me at a get-together on the weekend- I missed that boat over 20 years ago!!
I like Tony's point about not disappointing-- Either myself or others I'm playing with.
I actually played guitar with a friend a few weeks ago. Hadn't seen each other in years and decided to get together to play some songs and catch up.
I was disappointed in my playing that night. I wasn't prepared and turned into that 'bits & pieces player' that I thought I was moving away from! I'd start a song that either I hadn't played in a long time or just didn't have a good handle on- and just lose the plot. Didn't happen every time- but enough to annoy me (and probably him!)
Anyways- I'd like to be that solid, go-to player that can play lots of songs, all the way through, well.
I'll be impressed when I get there.