Collaboration of With or without you

tovo
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 am

Collaboration of Tony, Cori and all of you:

The astute among you will quickly spot that Cori isn't in the video, but he did collaborate on it. Him, and everyone who commented on my 1st effort of this tune. It may be better, it may not be. That's not the point. I have tried to use the advice I got. I have incorporated arpeggio and strumming, interpreting Cori's suggestion on the strumming and using both to give some variety. I've changed the key, I've not tried too hard to reach notes that I can't.

You all collaborated on it. I hope we did OK. If we didn't, it's all me.







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willem
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:09 am

Tony,,just great,,i love your revisit,,in no time you will make it your song,,keep on it and rep and rep nad rep,,curious to the next one and glad you stay on it,rep,rep,, repitition..


dsmarion
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:36 am

Tony,

Hey this key change puts the song right in your range now it seems to me. And you have changed the picking strumming patterns as suggested and I think that helps a lot. I see much improvement here and your work is showing. Great perseverance! I like the continued improvement a lot and this song is right in your "wheelhouse". Overall a nicely improved version!

I do like the feel of the strumming changes too -- how the song now builds from very soft into a little more power as you go into the strumming. I do have a suggestion for this which you could think about doing if you like. (I know you didn't particularly ask for any more suggestions so you can always ignore them :-) )

But I am going to suggest that you do may want to try that same approach to an even greater degree. What I mean by that is that you start the song with soft fingerpicking which works perfectly as it is, it sounds great. Then soon it builds into soft strumming chords (with imaginary pick technique) concentrating on slowing building the strums more into power chord strums of sorts which also sounds great. But then I felt like it was going to keep builidng - and it didn't, it kinda stopped building momentum and stayed the same (power wise) until the very end where it faded back into softer sound for the ending which is a nice touch and works very well I think.

So what I would suggest that it keep on building into louder and more powerful full chords - build to slightly louder 4-string strumming, then continue to build into 5 and 6 string struming (full louder chords) - and keep building to a greater creshendo (spelling wrong prob) in the middle third of the song until it peaks (vocals would build more volume as well during this rise to power). Then toward the end (the last third) you could let it cascade away again into softer and softer chords until it actually falls back to very soft fingerpicking like the beginning. So the whole feel would be a very soft intro slowing building to a powereful peak and the fading again to softness at the end. Just my 2 cents if you want to try it out and see if it works. Not really a big change.

Of course, this is just my interpretation of what I think the feeling of the song might be. Really it depends mostly on how "you" want the song to feel. This is what they call "artistic license" and as a performer you get to make that call, right?

Scott


dsmarion
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:47 am

By the way - I am still finding myself humming that toon several minutes later now!!! That is a good sign!!

Scott


jayswett
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:13 am

Loved it. Great job.


BobR
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:26 am

Tony,

Nice job taking all the advice given and incorporating into the song.

Thanks for the updated version.

Bob


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Music Junkie
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:11 am

Tony:

I really like this version a lot more. I think the picking add a bit of depth was was missing in the first version. Also, I think you had much more feeling in the singing this time. The key change seems to have relaxed you a bit and put you right where you need to be. Now with some repetition you'll really get more emotion into it and make it yours. Kudos on the improvement in such a short time..... B)

MJ


buddy
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:14 am

Tony,

This is what TG is all about, having fun and learning and improving. Great job of taking all the suggestions given and moving this song along.

Bud


suziko
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:04 am

Hi Tony,

I think you made some nice improvements with this song. I like that you started off with the fingerpicking and then switched to strumming. Like Scott said, I would like to see you add some variety between the two, with gradually adding intensity as the song progresses. I'd also still like to see you varying your strumming a bit more. I think you're mostly doing down strokes, which certainly works with the songs feel, but you could vary it a bit, throw in more upstrokes, skip some beats. Just my opinion.

I also thought your voice sounded much better in this version. Was there a reason you decided to skip the capo entirely? How did you decide which key was best for your voice? I'm just curious on a personal level about that.

Lastly, I have to say that though I think your intentions were well-meaning by calling this a collaboration, I disagree wit h your use of the term. We're all students here, all trying to learn and all trying to help each other learn. We give each other feedback to the best of our abilities, and we take on the feedback that we like or think we can use. But I don't think that someone giving you feedback on how to play a song makes it a collaboration.

Suzi


mbleier
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:25 pm

PLEASE....keep the critical feedback coming...
Alright Tony, I take it that you mean that....so I'll give it another shot...

I'd like to get into the key that you've decided to sing this song in. In your first upload you played this in G, capo at the 4th fret, wich brings the song into the key of B. So in this one you're playing it in D (like the original) so you're actually playing the song higher.

What I don't completely get is that almost everybody thought you did the singing just fine. I think it was only me and Anton saying that it was a bít too high for you. (I obviously don't know about the pm's you've gotten). So for that the most logical thing would have been to bring it down a little.

So your decision to take it higher surprises me. What happens vocally is the following, in the original Bono starts out let's call it low....later he jumps an octave higher, wich is the reason that this song is really hard to sing. So this jump is what makes the song far more interesting, I mean in the end it's just four chords, it's the melody that carries the tune. So by playing this song higher than you did in your first post brings the low notes indeed higher and the high notes you sing an octave lower....in other words, you skipped the octave-jump and sang all the parts in the same octave.

And you know, if this was a case of just not being able to then I would definitely let this be and the way you did this is for that just fine. But the thing is, you áre capable to sing this, but just a líttle lower than your first upload. At least that's just of course mý opinion and something wich needs to be tried out....maybe I'm wrong, but like I said, almost everybody thought you did just fine singingwise.

Ness


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