The Girl Who Murdered Love (acoustic home demo)

[sabathiel]

Hi guys and gals,

This is an acoustic home demo I wrote myself. The second song I've written. The introduction is inspired by Matchbox 20's "3 AM". I don't know if I should keep it due to some resemblance to someone else's song intro but I like it and I think it blends nicely with the rest of what I have written even though the rest of my song sounds nothing like "3 AM". Any tips, ideas or opinions are welcomed. In particular I am looking for ideas what the song should be like with a full band as I am toying around with some ideas to make the song sound better with a full band. I play a mini maton acoustic in this recording like the parlour guitar Ed Sheeran uses but I think Sheeran uses a little Martin or is it a baby Taylor....not sure. Anyway it's that kind of 3/4 acoustic guitar that I used on this recording.

[soundcloud][/soundcloud]

[auntlynnie]

I don't know if I should keep it due to some resemblance to someone else's song intro

Everybody "borrows" - keep it, especially because you like it!

Lynn

[AcousticAl]

Just listened to this, Peter.

I agree with Lynn that 'everybody borrows'. The trick is to just tweak it enough to make it your own.

As far as tips or ideas to improve it.. the strumming and your singing seem quite full/loud through most of the song. Perhaps some variety would make it more interesting for the listener. There was a bit less strumming at the 2 minute mark- but it wasn't really that different from the rest. Maybe some arpeggiation and softer singing there?

Anyway well done and congratulations on writing and recording your own material!

[jayswett]

I liked this song and can imagine it sounding very good with a backing band, with some percusion, and electric guitar playing chords higher up the neck, and maybe an instrumental verse with keyboards.

It takes alot of courage to peform one's own work. Nicely done.

[neverfoundthetime]

Absolutely agree with Lynn. Its legit.

Great job Peter, I like your style of singing and i really appreciate original work. Can you post the lyrics?

Chris

auntlynnie wrote:

I don't know if I should keep it due to some resemblance to someone else's song intro

Everybody "borrows" - keep it, especially because you like it!

Lynn

[sabathiel]

jayswett wrote:

I liked this song and can imagine it sounding very good with a backing band, with some percusion, and electric guitar playing chords higher up the neck, and maybe an instrumental verse with keyboards.

It takes alot of courage to peform one's own work. Nicely done.

my vision for the song is that with a full band it is a pop rock or pop punk genre like Matchbox 20 or Greenday. The variety will be during the verses the electric guitar sound is clean then during the pre-chorus ("that when you revealed yourself to me...") single strums by electric guitar playing the chiords using soft mild distortion electric guitar pedal. The same single strums are again used for half the bridge (".....who stabbed my back") and start the strumming pattern again on "........kniife........into my back". Drum pattern changes during first and second pre-chorus "that's when you revealed yourself to me" where it just plays tom toms and goes back to playing the standard beat on "once bitten twice shy...". That is pretty much the dynamics of the song that I have in my head. There are three guitars to be played with a full band. One 6 string acoustic using capo on 2nd fret. One 12 string acoustic playing chords with no capo. And the third guitar is electric with capo on 2nd fret using soft mild distortion to turn on and off during the song (I use Boss Super Over Drive pedal I bought second hand for the band....the yellow one).

[sabathiel]

neverfoundthetime wrote:

Absolutely agree with Lynn. Its legit.

Great job Peter, I like your style of singing and i really appreciate original work. Can you post the lyrics?

Chris

auntlynnie wrote:

I don't know if I should keep it due to some resemblance to someone else's song intro

Everybody "borrows" - keep it, especially because you like it!

Lynn

THE GIRL WHO MURDERED LOVE (capo 2nd fret) (Peter Clarke)
Instrumental intro: [G Cadd9] 3x [Dsus4 D]
You walked into my life G Cadd9
With your smile so mystified G Cadd9
You said there was no other G Cadd9
But you lied Dsus4 D

Everything has changed G Cadd9
The stain still remained G Cadd9
Your lying heart has caused Em7 Cadd9
a lot of pain Dsus4 D

I remember the day we met G Cadd9
Life’s so rosy and so great G Cadd9
But I never thought your heart Em7 Cadd9
Was made of stone D Dsus2 D

{pre-chorus)
Slowly you revealed yourself Em Am
To me Em (Em)
Your true colours was as dark Em Am
As it can be C C
Once bitten twice shy Em Am
I never understood why Em Am
You left your mark C
In my life as the girl…… C D***(stop)
(chorus)
Who murdered
Love, who murdered love 2x [G Cadd9] 3x
Who murdered Dsus4 D

All my senses are so numb G Cadd9
How could I just be so dumb G Cadd9
Your lies and deception G Cadd9
Darkened my sun Dsus4 D
You lit the passion in my heart G Cadd9
Your magic spell began to start G Cadd9
Then my life started Em7 Cadd9
To Fall apart D Dsus2 D

That’s when you revealed yourself Em Am
To me Em (Em)
You’re the dark queen of Em Am
Melancholy C C
Once bitten twice shy Em Am
I never understood why Em Am
You mark yourself C
In my life as the girl…….. C D*** (stop)

Middle 8 (bridge):
Who stabbed my back Em Am C - single strums after line
And you messed my life…. C D Em - single strums after line
You stacked the deck Em Am C - single strums after line
When you plunged the (knife) (Em) - start strumming again
Into my back Em Am
It pierced my heart Am Em
Now love has died Em Am
You murdered love Am C***(stop)

(pre-chorus)
That’s when you revealed yourself Em Am
To me Em (Em)
The dreadful queen of Em Am
Melancholy C C
Once bitten twice shy Em Am
I still don’t understand why Em Am
You left your mark C
(chorus)
In my life as the girl who murdered C D
Love, who murdered G Cadd9
Love, love, love who murdered G Cadd9
Love, who murdered G Cadd9
Love, love, love who murdered G Cadd9
Love, who murdered G Cadd9
Love, love, love YEAH! G Cadd9
(G)

[sabathiel]

Compare my intro and Matchbox 20's "3 AM" intro......it is maybe 80% similar:

[sabathiel]

The song I wrote "The Girl Who Murdered Love" made it as a finalist of an international songwriting song contest (2014). Didn't win first prize but I feel like a winner already given I simply submitted a home demo version just me singing and my acoustic guitar against songs which has big studio productions (just listen to the winner's song by clicking on the winner's title for the rock category....it's crazy what I am competing against). Here is the link to my finalist position in the rock category:

http://www.songoftheyear.com/winners_2014a.htm

[daryl]

How very exciting! Congratulations!