Wow Dennis,I'm in the unusual position of not knowing if I'm going to be alive tomorrow. And I know that's a pretty surprising thing to read, and I also know that some background might be necessary to understand how I got to this place.
About 4 years ago, i was stricken with a condition called pancreatitis. Until I got sick, I had absolutely no idea what a pancreas does. In short, a pancreas produces insulin and the digestive enzymes your body uses to process food. When you have pancreatitis, the "exit" duct gets blocked and prevents the digestive enzymes from leaving the pancreas, causing the pancreas to start digesting itself. The damage that pancreatitis can do to one's body runs the gamut from "almost no effect" to "fatal." Mine was nearly fatal and my pancreas is 20 percent destroyed.
After I got home from a 15-day hospital stay, I made a decision to be more careful with the people I allow into my life. Maybe you can understand that. When you don't know for sure if you're going to be alive tomorrow, you don't want to spend your time with people who can't seem to have your best interests at heart. So I slowly started thinning the herd, so to speak, dropping the friends who do me harm. Fortunately, I have a wife who supported me in this, as she does in almost everything I do.
I wasn't going to respond to this thread, except that things changed for me when, last Thursday, I was ambulanced to the hospital with another attack of pancreatitis. I have to tell you, in addition to the phenomenal pain, the scariest thing is knowing now that I can get pancreatitis at any time, no matter how well I take care of myself, no matter what physical condition I keep myself in, no matter how carefully I monitor my diet. I'm resigned to the fact that this is what my life looks like from now. Not knowing anything for certain. So I thought I'd better get some goals out there. Quickly.
I have three fundamental goals this year. The first is to get even more enjoyment out of the guitar than I got the year before, and I think if I do more open mics, play with more friends, and learn some songs that just give me the shivers the first time I play a few opening notes, I'll have no problem reaching that goal. The second goal, related to pancreatitis, is to do an even better job of eliminating the people from my life who betray, fail to support, act cowardly or steadfastly narcissistic, or any of several other things that add up to not having my best interests at heart. And the third goal is to use even more of my resources (time, money, effort) to help those who really need it.
I don't know how much life I have remaining to me and, truthfully, it's a little unnerving knowing that I could last another 25 years or I could be gone tomorrow. Neither extreme would surprise me. But it's the not knowing that makes me want to use my remaining time to enjoy guitar more, surround myself with healthy people, and be an even better support system than I've been in the past.
Have a happy new year.
this kinda puts things into perspective. I'm sorry you are having to deal with such an awful condition, but I am glad you have shared it here with your TG friends.
I really hope that opening up like this can help you cope better in some way. I think your best way forward is to be as positive and optomistic as you can be and from reading your words I am sure that is the path you are heading along.
Enjoy your guitar playing this coming year, I always say 'music is therapy,' because it makes you feel good.
All the best,
Tom N.