Song for Renate

BobR
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Wed Jan 22, 2014 7:40 pm

Chris,

Sad story, but you've written, played and sung it very we'll.

Bob


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neverfoundthetime
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Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:12 am

Thanks for listening in Bob!

Thanks for the clapping hands Bill and for tuning in, always good to hear from you!

Thanks for listening Dermot and for the autumn leaves!

Thanks Willem, we can always rely on you for keeping up on all the posts and for positive comment!


michelew
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Thu Jan 23, 2014 9:18 pm

Chris,

This gets better with each listen. That's the sign of a good song.

Being able to read the lyrics while you're singing them has enabled me to appreciate them to a deeper level. There's a lot to take in in this song, the bass line, the general progression, the mood, the singing. I guess that's the case with most songs which is why you need to listen to then many times to absorb their nuances.

I think you've done a beautiful job of expressing your feeling of affection for your friend's mum and a sense of feeling a little lost at how to deal with the fact that she was losing her battle with cancer. The imagery and analogy of autumn is really nice.

You should do more song writing. This great piece of expression.

Shel


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neverfoundthetime
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Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:56 am

Many thanks Shel, that's a nice compliment. Thanks for pre-listening for me!
I still love your original comment, if I can share it here;

"Really, it's my brain not your song."

My favourite so far! :laugh:
It has been very satisfying to finally record this.


Lavallee
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Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:28 am

Hi Chris, well written song on a good beat. I like the bass line runs and of course the singing is excellent. At one point you are signing some baram bam bam. It seems that it would be a good place to have a bridge with other chords which would cut the song in two. Maybe something to the similar bass run rhythm but with a different registry perhaps and with some baram bam bam being singed higher or lower than the rest of the song.

Otherwise I am quite impress with your composition and Renate was obviously dear to you.

From the great white north (courou cou cou courou coucou (Dave and Doug Mackenzie))
Marc


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neverfoundthetime
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Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:26 pm

Many thanks Marc for listening in.its great to hear from the great north, just so sorry I couldn't be there this Christmas!

Yeah, the humming part is my fill in for a missing possible 2nd verse or solo. A second verse has never shown up but I may be able to add a solo at the point but I won't use other chords or try to break into some sort of bridge as I don't think it lends itself for that.... but many thanks for your comments, much appreciated!

Chris


AcousticAl
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Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:01 pm

Hi Chris,

Let me first say that I've never attempted to write anything, so a big congrats to you for taking the leap. I'll also say that I haven't read any other comments on this, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said..

The first thing that strikes me is the contrast between the lyrics and the upbeat tempo. I think I like it.. and doubt I'd enjoy the lyrics paired with a slower/sadder beat through the whole song as that would be too much of a downer. But what about slowing it down for only the final chorus to switch it up a bit?
Also, while I like the alternating bass, I think a break from it at some point would be good.. as well as a different strum pattern or arpeggio at some point (final chorus as well?)

This was just off the top of my head really. Creating something original like this is to be admired, so congratulations again!


cosmicmechanic
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Sat Jan 25, 2014 10:13 pm

Chris, this original song of yours is obviously a well thought out effort.
The lyrics are heartfelt, and, as Al mentioned, the tune's mood balances out a heavy subject.

As for improvements, maybe you'd enjoy introducing a bit of variety into the mix ?

1)
I get the feeling that you might go into a higher pitched (louder ?) progression for the chorus: "And all the dreams of summer ..."
For example, I am reminded of Mary Hopkins "Those were the days". In that song, the verses have a wistful sound, but then comes the contrast of a more strident energy when the happy memories come up in the chorus. But I'm not suggesting that this should become a beer-hall melody ! :silly:

2)
The bass notes are fun, and I bet that you will add some different flourishes as this tune evolves.
As it is right now, just using a hammer-on now and then would add some sparkle.

I think this song should be a "keeper". Writing songs don't come easy !

Oh, I think you purloined your daughter's guitar for this video, right ?

Nice job :)
Pierre


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neverfoundthetime
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Sun Jan 26, 2014 8:05 am

Hi Al and Pierre, great to hear from Canada... I know how cold its been last few weeks so I hope your guitars are keeping you warm, or vice versa!

A couple of folks have commented on the upbeat play verses the heavy subject. Isn't it odd that that never really occurred to me as the song put itself together very quickly and pretty much completely. I started with the chord and bass structure, just doodling and the lyrics wrote them selves. I did intend it to be a song where I could develop a bass line and to be about Renate's desolate condition at an ugly time of year. It just seemed to write itself. I did originally have an occasional bounce in the bass (as you suggest Pierre) using some hammer ons and always played it that way but it messes up the flow if I'm not careful so on the recording I went for safety. I guess I could play around with the voice a bit but then I would remove the capo, which I sometimes do. I think the only improvement I should add now is a solo part but I will experiment around a bit using some of the suggestions from the thread.

Many thanks for tuning in and commenting guys!


sandysue
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Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:28 pm

Wow Chris

I loved your song right away, and you have a really nice voice. You're talented. Thanks for sharing your music with us.

Sandy


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