Blues Transportation:
- Ambulance
- Police Car
- Hearse
- Inlaws Stolen Car
- 6 Strong Men
Not Blues Transportation:
- Slave bearing litter
- First Class seating
- Moving Walkway
- Cruise Ship
Clean Musician/Music Joke of the Day
You can sing the Blues if:
- you shot a man in Memphis
- you can't be satisfied
- "The man" doesn't like you
- you're an old black man
- you're blind
- you play the guitar or piano
You can't sing the Blues if:
- you are a teenager
- you are from North Dakota
- you wear a suit
- you have an IRA
- you play the oboe
- you shot a man in Memphis
- you can't be satisfied
- "The man" doesn't like you
- you're an old black man
- you're blind
- you play the guitar or piano
You can't sing the Blues if:
- you are a teenager
- you are from North Dakota
- you wear a suit
- you have an IRA
- you play the oboe
I went to the bar down the road. They started playing classical music. I wanted to leave, but there was no turning Bach now. I bought several rounds of drinks. The bartender kept harping me to buy more. I finally left before I went baroque.
Blues liquids:
- wine from a bottle in a sack
- Irish whiskey from a dirty glass
- muddy water (usually not for drinking)
Not Blues liquids:
- bottled spring water
- any mixed drink or a drink with a little umbrella in it
- mocha decaf
- kosher wine
- wine from a bottle in a sack
- Irish whiskey from a dirty glass
- muddy water (usually not for drinking)
Not Blues liquids:
- bottled spring water
- any mixed drink or a drink with a little umbrella in it
- mocha decaf
- kosher wine
Blues lines:
- woke up this morning
- you ask for water and yo baby give you gasoline
- ma baby done left me
- in a flea bag hotel
- stabbed in the back
- fixin' to die
Not Blues lines:
- while getting liposuction treatment
- after the a tennis match
- I'm a cheerleader
- woke up this morning
- you ask for water and yo baby give you gasoline
- ma baby done left me
- in a flea bag hotel
- stabbed in the back
- fixin' to die
Not Blues lines:
- while getting liposuction treatment
- after the a tennis match
- I'm a cheerleader
A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: 'Ludwig van Beethoven 1770-1827.' Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music. 'Don't you get it?' the caretaker says incredulously-
......He's decomposing.'
......He's decomposing.'
From: EFFICIENCY & TICKET, LTD., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.
After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:
1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.
2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.
3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.
4. In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician's Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.
Conclusion: if the above recommendations are implemented the piece under condsideration could be played through in less than half an hour with concomitant savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.
After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:
1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.
2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.
3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.
4. In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician's Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.
Conclusion: if the above recommendations are implemented the piece under condsideration could be played through in less than half an hour with concomitant savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.