Bear Jokes

Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 8:13 pm

This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn’t been in many bars."

So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."

The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 8:18 pm

One day Andy was hiking in the woods when he comes upon an angry Bigbear.
The Bigbear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge.
In panic, Andy started to run, but the Bigbear followed close on his heels.
Finally Andy came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this Bigbear a good Christian bear.

To Andy's amazement, the Bigbear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer!

"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed Andy.

"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed the Bigbear, "for this meal I'm about to receive!"


BigBear
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:05 pm

Andy and Chas are camping in the woods in Alaska. All of sudden there is a huge commotion outside and then huge, sharp claws begin ripping through the top of the tent. This must be a huge bear!

Andy gets out of his sleeping bag and starts putting on his shoes. Chas says "What are you doing? You can't outrun that enormous bear!".

Andy replies, "I don't have to outrun that bear, I only have to outrun you!" :lol:


AcousticAl
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:10 pm

Here we go.. this should be fun.

Gonna crack open a beer and just watch the fireworks!!


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:17 pm

A Bear Joke!

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup,
and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.

"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant,
and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,
"Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry,
and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods,
and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear,
and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?"the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."
replied the doctor.


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:19 pm

This bear and this rabbit were talking.

The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit said, "No."

So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt.


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:27 pm

What do Polar Bears eat for dinner?
“Brrrr-grrrrs”



What’s a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A seal in each paw.


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:31 pm

Bear Warning sign Image


AndyT
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:32 pm

Chas and Bear are each walking down the banks of a river but on opposite sides. Suddenly Chas looks at Bear and asks, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" Bear stops and thinks a moment and then says, "Chas, you're ON the other side."


Chasplaya
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:36 pm

Does a Bear .... in the Woods Image


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