Bear Jokes

AndyT
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:38 am

Chas and Chris died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."

"Great!" said Chas, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"

"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.

"I'd like to be one cool stud!" said Chris.

"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.

After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"


AndyT
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:44 am

Recently a Chas, Bear, and Chris wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed Chas and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
Chas answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to Bear and, asked him his question: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, Bear had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to Chris. "Name them."


AndyT
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:47 am

Three guys found themselves in Hell: Chas, Bear, and Chris, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Chas, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Chas was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Bear, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Bear, like Chas, was whisked off.

Chris, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Chris jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned."


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neverfoundthetime
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:17 am

....I'll go for that! What the hell.... if you'll excuse the expression!


Chasplaya
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 2:07 pm

@ Statler, Beggars can't be choosers lol


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neverfoundthetime
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:00 pm

What would a slimy green, bug-eyed amphibian with an bad guitar know about anything? Grump!


Chasplaya
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Fri Aug 14, 2009 1:39 am

neverfoundthetime wrote:
What would a slimy green, bug-eyed amphibian with an bad guitar know about anything? Grump!
I know a good optician that I can recommend for you


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