Positive Mental Attitude

heyjoe
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:26 am

Hello Everyone

First of all, I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who replied to my post, I've read all the replies and have to admit, I'm a bit overwhelmed by not only the number of replies I've received, but also the amount of time and effort people have taken to give me their advice.

As I said in the original post, I wasn't sure where this belonged, or even if something like this belonged on a guitar forum, now I know that it does belong, and I'm very grateful that people have taken the time to reply.

It looks like most have you have seen through my attempt to make my feelings relate to guitar, when in fact its my life as a whole, so I think its only fair that I give you all more information about why I'm feeling this way- this way you'll all be able to see how good your advice is.

One of my main life changing moments was about 6 years ago, when I was diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis, which is a bowel disease. In basic terms, its where the bugs in your intestines basically attack your intestinal lining- meaning you can end up spending a lot of time on the toilet- I've known people to use the toilet 20-30 times a day.

The causes are unknown, but current research believes it is stress related, situational and most importantly, genetic. Certain bowel disease genes have already been found, but there are many to go. There is no one bowel disease gene, we are all different.

Since I was diagnosed my life has totally changed, in good and bad ways. The best way was that I met my wife Laura because of my illness, she has bowel disease too, she has changed my life for the better.
The bad parts have been the loss of confidence, the fact that stress affects me more now than it ever did, I've lost/left jobs because of it, and it has caused other issues. One of the main issues, which I don't think will surprise anyone, is depression.

It's not something that I noticed, however my family and close friends noticed a change in me as my illness became a bigger part of my life, I'd become a lot more "tempramental", "mood-swingey" etc etc, basically a grumpy git, angry at the world. I suppose its being a bloke from an area where to talk about your emotions is still seen as being "girly" ( not meaning to offend anyone-its just that how it is where I live). I've started opening up to people,mainly laura, had counselling sessions, and I'm slowly starting to get my head round how my past has effected me, but it still doesn't stop me from having bad days. As some of you know I occasionally suffer from cluster migraines- which can last up to 72 hours- which have been coming back recently- good news is, I was at the doctors last week, and I've had a medication change, and things are going well.

So thats the brief(lol) medical history , current stressors are, we're moving house either this friday or next monday and dont know which one yet! I'm unemployed, looking for a job at probably the worst time possible (I left my previous job after they were less than happy after I had a few visits to hospital earlier in the year- did I mention I've been in hospital 7 times this year, no? It was all bowel related, but hopefully better now!) and we're hoping to try for a baby next year, providing the doctors and consultants and pain specialists can get everything sorted out to their satisfaction- its amazing what drugs you cant be on when you're trying to get pregnant, I could get medically graphic about a few more issues we have, but I think you've all read enough.

If you've got this far, well done. It wasnt meant to be a woe is me post, because I dont feel like that at the moment, but sometimes, the stress gets me down, as it does all of us.

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and positive thoughts, I'm looking forward to 2010 in a new house with lots of space, a nice quiet room to record my guitar playing on, in a new village, where I know my wife and no-one else, and time to get myself mentally happy and physically healthy.

The new avatar is Laura and I at her Christmas party, sometimes having a few drinks and having a party is good for the soul.

I'm going to print off all your words of wisdom, and sit down at some point, make some plans, cut them into little pieces, and make a start.

This really is a wonderful caring site, you should all be proud of yourselves.

Thank you so very very much.

Joe


BigBear
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:15 pm

Joe- Thank you for sharing that deeply personal information and know that you aren't alone. Since losing a family business and going personally bankrupt I have suffered from depression for many years. It is no fun and all the cheery words of advice won't help much. Sometimes they make you feel worse because you start wondering why you can't embrace all the good advice. Medical intervention, as you've already noted, is critical.

I don't know if you are a religious man but you will be in my prayers always and I know 2010 will be better for you. Hope springs eternal and it sounds like you have a wonderful wife and life partner to share your journey.

Good luck with your move and especially with finding new employment. Despite the terrible economy there are always postions available; it's just a little harder to find them!

Best wishes Joe,

Rick


AndyT
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:02 pm

We all fight depression at times. Some more than others. I recall hearing or reading that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to suffer from it. I must be a genius! LOL


michelew
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Location: Sydney, Australia
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:38 pm

Oh my God Joe -I have ulcerative colitis too and have had it since I was 14 (29 years). So believe me when I say I know how bad it can get and how miserable you can get - the pain can be terrible all by itself. I been hospitalised too (but not 7 times in a year - wow that's hard) and have be dodging the surgeon's knife in a big way since 2000. I've had acute periods where I've been unable to leave the house and have been to the loo 30 times a day. I've been on a lot of different treatments. I've had cyclosporin twice which is a last treatment before surgery and then crawled back away from that. I'm current on infliximab and need to spend a day in hospital every 2 months for the treatment. It is working like a miracle so for as long as I can get it I should be fine. It's funny I went into my specialist saying I'm ready, take it all out (the only real 'cure' for UC is a total colectomy) and he said I have one more thing I'd like you to try..

Anyway - that is just by way of letting you know that I'm no stranger to UC.

THe following things are really important:

- eat really healthily - if you are up for it read this book - Specific Carbohydrate Diet - it is designed by a miocrobiologist who's daughter has UC http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info ... e_book.htm - it isn't easy - I did it for a number of years but kept falling off the wagon - who knows you might find it part of the answer for you. As a minimum, cut out foods that you are intolerant to. I can't eat wheat, rye (all common bread grains), pluses (beans, lentils..), too much cheese. The list continues but you get the idea. The more fresh fruit and veg. (raw is best) and good fibre you can eat the better. Get lots of good oil - essential fatty acids - flax oil - fish oil.

- get lots of sleep - you're probably finding already that you need more sleep than you needed before and you have problems getting out of bed - actually waking enough to get out of bed - it is the inflammation in you gut (it isn't bugs my the way it is your body attacking itself - its an auto immune disease) - don't cheat yourself - you need the sleep - I can need 10 -12 hours easy.

- take probiotics - good gut flora - you'll be deplete in it

- drink lots of water - dehydration is a fact of life and will make you feel terrible too

- surround yourself with people that you can talk to - you need to get to the point where you can talk about what is happening for you - you don't need to give all the gory details but enough so that people can understand why for example you need to run away in the middle of conversations. I find this really important, especially when I am on anti-inflammatory steroids (which drive me crazy and make me really cranky). If you can, avoid toxic people - people that stress you out and who are negative - you don't need it.

- do exercise that keeps you moving without tiring you out - walking, yoga and swimming are good - walking first. If you rest too much it's not good for you - but you need to take it easy too, overexertion will sap your energy.

- try to get a job where you can work from home when you need to - flexible working hours are very good too. - this is really important for keeping you financial.

- try and focus on the good stuff in your life - this is probably hard at the moment - but staying positive is a healing technique in itself

- be prepared - (I take emergency supplies with me everywhere - PM me if you want more info)

- do things you enjoy when you can - playing guitar is great!!!!! - sing too - even if you sing badly -

- I also don't drive most of the time - traffic makes me crazy and trying to find a park when you need to go is really stressful - my partner drives when we go anywhere.

There's probably more... I'd be happy to give you more on anything here and answer any questions. We probably have different presentations - so you obviously need to work with what your medical professionals are telling you.

PM me if you just want to talk to someone that gets it - anytime.

I'm thinking of you mate - Michele


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neverfoundthetime
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Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:14 pm

Joe;

I tell everyone the same thing. Guitar playing must be a joy. If you hate to practice, scales ect... then don't. Play for the love of playing. Playing guitar is my relaxation, my joy, my love. I play for myself, I dont play to entertain anyone but myself. I sing and play because that's what makes me happy. But there are times when I don't feel like picking up the O'le axe. I let a few days go by sometimes and then I have renewed desire. To be motivated to practice comes with desire. But, picking up the guitar and playing for the joy of it comes from the heart. If playing is a chore, then the desire is lost and the guitar sits in the closet for weeks at a time.
Play because you love to play, not BECAUSE you need to practice. Play because it make you happy, and yes you will improve and playing becomes more natural and fun.

Just have fun, make your guitar playing your joy. ;)


Chasplaya
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Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:44 am

From one UC sufferer to another, although my condition deosn't appear quite as bad. Michele gives excellent advice mate, I need to heed some of it too. But sometimes stubborness gets the better of me and i eat stuff i know i shouldn't. Also exercise, again, when I do I feel better but hey i'm a bit lazy. It is a lifestyle thing you need to look at and I guess Michele is correct in saying listen to your GP for the correct advice for your symptoms.

Good luck mate, you can deal with it!

Chas


heyjoe
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Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:54 am

Bear, thanks for the post, I'm not religious, but I'll take all the help I can get.

Andy, you're a genius, me too, explains a lot, doesn't it! Now if I can just find out what I'm a genius at!!!

Michele, you know you're getting a PM shortly!!

Ojai, love the sentiment, makes perfect sense. The enjoyment will be back shortly, life just hasnt given me the time or the inclination recently, but it'll be back soon.

Chas, yup, its a lifestyle thing, you're right, glad your UC is under control, mine finally is, its been a tough year, but we're getting there. Planning some big lifestyle changes once the house move has gone though, just gotta be patient

Good luck to you too.

Joe


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