Just Jokes (Clean one!)

[jim56]

While an orchestra was playing Tschaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture, an elderly man in the audience wept and wept.
'You must be an incurable romantic' said the woman seated next to him.
'No,' he said, 'I'm a musician.

[cosmicmechanic]

An elephant goes into an electronics store to buy an new computer.

He tells the salesclerk "I want one with a LOT of memory and NO mouse".

[Chasplaya]

Great to be Kiwi


Young Rangi bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'

Rangi replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'

Rangi said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Rangi said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'

Rangi said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Rangi and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Rangi said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $ 998'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Rangi said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Rangi now works for Telecom selling the new XT Mobiles

[Chasplaya]

Speaking of animals. Have you noticed all the interesting cross
breeds these days?
There’s the Malamute and the Pointer = a Moot Point, a favorite of
lawyers, but it doesn’t seem to matter.)
Then there was the Pointer and the Setter = Poinsetter, a
traditional Christmas pet.
I am amazed at the creativity of crossing a Pekinese and Lhasa
Apso = a Peekaso, an abstract dog.
Terrier and a Bulldog – a Terribull, a dog that makes awful
mistakes.
Bloodhound and Labrador – a Blabador, a dog that barks
incessantly.
And of course there’s the Bull Terrier and a Shitzu = a Bullshitz, a
gregarious but unreliable breed.

[thereshopeyet]

Thanks

[Chasplaya]

[willem]

thereshopeyet wrote:

A grandmother is looking after her grandaughter.

That evening the grand daughter is going out to a dance.
She comes down the stairs wearing a see through top.

"You cannot go out dressed like that my dear" says the grandmother!

"I can show off my rosebuds if I want" says the grandaughter.... and leaves for the dance.

Later the grandaughter returns home with some friends.

Her Grandmother is sitting in the living room with no top on.

"Granny .... go and put a top on".... says the grandaughter.

If You can show off your rosebuds..... I'll show off my hanging baskets ...says the Grandmother!!!!

when it are no theebags,,go granny..

[cantplaywontplay]

A Father asks his son,
what do you want to be when you grow up son ?

The boy thinks about this for a while, and then replies ,
When I grow up I'm going to be a drummer !.

His father says Don't be silly , you cant do both

[jim56]

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

[frybaby]

The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”

“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”

“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied.