3 guys are in a bar.
One says 'I have the longest arms in the world'.
The second says 'I have the longest legs in the world'.
The third says 'I am the best guitarist'.
So they all went to the Guiness world records.
The first guy walks out satisfied saying 'I have the longest arms in the world'
The second guy also comes out saying 'I have the longest legs in the world'
The third storms out of the building aggravated saying 'WHO THE F#$% IS JIMMY PAGE?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Just Jokes (Clean one!)
tA captain of a pirate ship is overlooking the ocean when he sees another pirate ship coming twards them.
He tells his young assistant
" Hurry go downstairs and get my red shirt"
So he does.
Then the two ships begin to fight, and they won.
The next day they see another ship, and the captain tell his assistant " Hurry go get my red shirt"
so he did
And they fought and won again
Finally the young assistant asks " why is it that every time we go to battle you ask for your red shirt".
The captain replies" So if I get injured in battle the crew wont see and they wont worry about me, they will just keep fighting, i just dont wanna show weekness.
So they assistant was like okay.
The next day the assistant runs up the stairs yelling "captain, captain hurry you've got to see this"
So the Captain runs outside and looks around. And there were 10 pirate ships surrounding them, so the captain yell to the assistant
" hurry, go get my brown pants
He tells his young assistant
" Hurry go downstairs and get my red shirt"
So he does.
Then the two ships begin to fight, and they won.
The next day they see another ship, and the captain tell his assistant " Hurry go get my red shirt"
so he did
And they fought and won again
Finally the young assistant asks " why is it that every time we go to battle you ask for your red shirt".
The captain replies" So if I get injured in battle the crew wont see and they wont worry about me, they will just keep fighting, i just dont wanna show weekness.
So they assistant was like okay.
The next day the assistant runs up the stairs yelling "captain, captain hurry you've got to see this"
So the Captain runs outside and looks around. And there were 10 pirate ships surrounding them, so the captain yell to the assistant
" hurry, go get my brown pants
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! OK! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies,"He says you don't have the nerveto pull the trigger."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! OK! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies,"He says you don't have the nerveto pull the trigger."
Hans, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she, too, screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to to with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her.
So the Madam send her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and then she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, have seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said to yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides, she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
Hans leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she, too, screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to to with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her.
So the Madam send her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and then she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, have seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said to yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides, she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
Hans leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"