A fellow wanted to engage the services of a lady. You know the kind. He went to a massage parlor in a small complex. Looking for door "A" and being nervous--his first time--he found door "H", which was actually a podiatrists office. The woman at the desk told him to go into a room and wait.
Not wanting to waste time, he stripped naked and was soon quite aroused.
The lady at the desk opened the door, walked in and exclaimed, "Oh, my! I was expecting to see a foot!"
"Ah, lady," the man said, "Why quibble about a couple of inches?"
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:08 am
by Hydroman52
A couple of jokes you can tell your kids.
There’s a knock at the front door, and the lady of the house answers it. She looks down to see a large snail looking in. “Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww” she screams and kicks the snail into the middle of the yard. Three years later, there’s a knock at the door. The lady answers and it’s the same snail. “Hey!” he says “What was THAT all about?”
Five years later . . . . same snail is lying on the sidewalk in a daze with police officers standing over him. An officer with a writing pad says “You’ve been hit by a turtle and we need your statement.” The snail groans, “Uh, I don’t remember . . . . . . it all happened so fast.”
Hydroman52
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:17 pm
by haoli25
I just went to a new supermarket.
It has an automatic water-mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet tissue there anymore.
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:13 pm
by haoli25
Been around for awhile, but still funny.
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 5:22 am
by jim56
Life Before The Computer
- Memory was something that you lost with age
- An application was for employment
- A program was a TV show
- A cursor used profanity
- A keyboard was a piano
- A web was a spider's home
- A virus was the flu
-A CD was a bank account
-A hard drive was a long trip on the road
-A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
-And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you just hoped
nobody found out
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 9:57 pm
by jim56
Admit it, you've tried stepping on your shadow before!
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:06 am
by neverfoundthetime
Seriously funny Bill, thanks!
haoli25 wrote:
Been around for awhile, but still funny.
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 9:00 am
by haoli25
Three men found themselves at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked the first man, "What was your annual salary and your profession?"
"I made $250,000 a year as an attorney," he proudly declared.
"You may enter Heaven," said St. Peter.
Then he asked the second man, "What was your annual salary and profession?"
"I made $150,000 a year as a realtor," he proudly responded.
"You may enter Heaven," said St. Peter.
Then he turned to the third man, "What was your salary and profession?"
"My annual salary was a mere $10,000," he sheepishly mumbled.
"Cool!" said St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
Re: Just Jokes (Clean one!)
Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 5:27 am
by jim56
Senior Citizen Texting Code...
ATD-At The Doctors
BFF-Best Friend Fell
BTW-Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT-Bring Your Own Teeth
FWIW-Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL-Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA-Got Heathburn Again
IMHO-Is My Haring-Aid On
LMDO-Laughing My Dentures Out
OMMR-On My Message Recliner
OMSG-Oh MY! Sorry, Gas
ROFLACGU-Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up
TTYL-Talk To You Louder
