What's an incredibly manly guy like me doing in a nail salon?

[dennisg]

Let's face it, when it comes to being a man, movie studios hire me to give George Clooney lessons on how to appear more masculine. I entered puberty and the Cub Scouts in the same year. And there's so much testosterone oozing out of my body, I have to keep a Swiffer with me at all times.

So what, you may ask, is a spectacularly masculine guy like me doing having his nails worked on by a Chinese lady whose entire English vocabulary consists of "We hurry ... I go Burger King now"? And what does any of this have to do with playing the guitar?

The sad truth is that I have horrible nails that chip, break, and experience compound fractures from activities no more strenuous than lifting a guitar pick. And fingerpicking? Forget it. The song "Blackbird" treats my poor nails the way a belt sander treats a block of balsa wood. So, at my wife's urging, I sucked it up and followed her into a nail salon in my Seattle neighborhood.

I sat down in the chair, smiled wanly at the manicurist, and said. "I'd like four acrylic nails for my right hand." She looked confused and immediately engaged another manicurist in an animated conversation that took place entirely in Chinese, the only intelligible word being "Whopper." The other manicurist looked at me and said, "You use fingers to type?" I said. "Yes, but that's not the reason I want acrylic nails. I play guitar." From the expression on her face, it was clear she had no idea what a guitar was, so I decided to clarify by playing some air guitar for her. This seemed to work, and the two women once again entered into conversation during which both of them played air guitar, exaggerating the use of their fingers for effect. Satisfied that we were all in agreement on what I needed done, the first manicurist set about the process of applying my new nails.

Beforehand, when I thought about what it might be like to have acrylic nails put on, I was picturing long plastic nails that would be glued on, trimmed to my preferred length, then filed smartly. But that's not at all how it worked. Acrylic nails begin life as a little pile of powder. The manicurist takes a small paint brush, dips it in a bowl of water, then dabs the wet bristles in the powder. The powder sticks to the bristles, interacts with the water, and turns into a gel that the manicurist brushes onto my existing nails. The gel instantly begins to harden after which the manicurist buffs and files them.

I was skeptical, but I paid my $24 and went home, wondering if this was as hair-brained an idea as the seven different bottles of miracle nail-strengthening polishes I had seen advertised on TV whose only effect, as it turns out, was to lighten my wallet substantially. So, expecting little, I picked up my guitar, launched into James Taylor's "You've got a friend," followed by a rousing version of "Blackbird," and finally Peter, Paul & Mary's "If I had my way," a raucous strummer that's typically a torture chamber to my nails. And I have to say, I was totally impressed by the results. My nails were rock hard and showed absolutely no wear from any of the songs I played. So, all in all, I'm very happy with my new nails, and I just may go back and visit the Chinese lady in a month or so.

If you've never done anything like this, just say to yourself, "Hey, if an outrageously masculine guy like Dennis can visit a nail salon and not be intimidated, then maybe a guy like me, although not nearly as manly, can feel okay about myself."

Oh, and one piece of advice: since acrylics are not false nails that are glued onto your existing nails, you need to grow your own nails to the length you want because the powder-based acrylic nails don't add any length. Not that a guy like me worries about stuff like that.

[lueders]

Aaaaaahh hah hah ha he he heh...snort, snort! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Too funny!! Glad it is working for you. ( You tell a good story...it is almost like you're a writer or something.)

[cosmicmechanic]

Yeah Dennis, true to form ! Man you got the knack for a story

I've said it before (what do I care about boring my readers ?), but way back when I quit smoking I munched on a mountain of apples, like 7 a day for two years (or seven a day for 2 years).

My nails became like some superhero hidden power ! Could rip a car to shreds if I so desired !

I eat fewer apples now ... I'm more into the raw bok choy vegetable these days ... nails are doing pretty good.

Hope this helps,
Pierre

[jimbo58]

Dennis
I have been thinking of doing the same beauty salon thing too. but I'm afraid that I might not have as much "manliness" to spare as you do and I am afraid that once they finish my nails I might suddenly say "trim my aye brows next", and then I know I will wake up every night having a nightmare about buying the wrong color lipstick! No seriously I have had a split thumbnail for the last fifteen years having damaged it at the quick, so I appreciate your story and maybe you have convinced me to be brave and go and get the same thing done.

Jim.

[michelew]

Great story den!

I recently had another nail disaster while doing handy woman jobs. I had to file all of my nails back to almost nothing.

But, I have to say that I don't think I'm manly enough, butch enough or gutsy enough to get acrylic nails; although my mother would be SO pleased (as long as it was both hands of course ). I'd be afraid that they'd ask me to hand in my dyke card before entering the premises. .

Luckily, my nails are strong enough most of the time now.

Good luck.

M.

On second thoughts, if a manly guy like you can do it Den, then anyone can. You're a inspiration.

[tovo]

I never once doubted your manliness when I visited. Even when you continued to pat my leg long after I said it made me uncomfortable. What's a "swiffer" by the way?? I too think the nail salon is the answer to my nail dilemma, which is precisely the same as yours. My nails break as soon as they start to gain some length. I have a knack of recognising talent in people. You should write short stories for a living. Thank me later.

[willem]

Great story to add to the nail soap,,,are you an writer Dennis...

W.

[neverfoundthetime]

So what, you may ask, is a spectacularly masculine guy like me doing having his nails worked on by a Chinese lady whose entire English vocabulary consists of "We hurry ... I go Burger King now"?

You go there for the conversation, don't you.

Thanks for answering my question in advance in the last paragraph Dennis.

I may have the concept all wrong but I have a magnificent thumbnail and the damned thing has never touched a string yet. I never use a pick but I do get some mileage out of my index nail and the backs of my other nails but I've never touched a string with my nails when plucking. Its all finger and thumb pads with me. Anyone else doing this or is it just me?

[willem]

neverfoundthetime wrote:

So what, you may ask, is a spectacularly masculine guy like me doing having his nails worked on by a Chinese lady whose entire English vocabulary consists of "We hurry ... I go Burger King now"?

You go there for the conversation, don't you.

Thanks for answering my question in advance in the last paragraph Dennis.

I may have the concept all wrong but I have a magnificent thumbnail and the damned thing has never touched a string yet. I never use a pick but I do get some mileage out of my index nail and the backs of my other nails but I've never touched a string with my nails when plucking. Its all finger and thumb pads with me. Anyone else doing this or is it just me?

I think i know what you mean,,it needs a certain skill to hit that bass note/string also with the nail and when it does'nt you got a soften bass note coming out while the other fingerNAIL picks the other strings and that gives a other sound,,,

I experiment a bit,,I have cut them back(not the whole way),they are very litlle above the flesh,,then they grow and see while that happen were i will land...so most of the time I pluck with flesh(starting point)but hit also a bit with nail... but I ask myself many times ''why can't I hit that bass note also with my nail..

W.

[daryl]

neverfoundthetime wrote:

I may have the concept all wrong but I have a magnificent thumbnail and the damned thing has never touched a string yet. I never use a pick but I do get some mileage out of my index nail and the backs of my other nails but I've never touched a string with my nails when plucking. Its all finger and thumb pads with me. Anyone else doing this or is it just me?

Same here. I don't use my nails. It's all pads and the "backs of my nails" too.....