Songwriting/Lyric Challenge (Only Yesterday)

[tombo1230]

willem wrote:

tombo1230 wrote:

daryl wrote:

tombo1230 wrote:


Tom, I really like this. But was unsure of where it was going. After the first verse, I thought "oh no everything WAS wonderful only yesterday, now what is today going to bring to this poor soul". And then the 2nd verse was just lovely with how the two met and blissfully were living together. The bridge brought back the foreboding feeling. The 3rd verse was still lovely and positive until the last line and I thought, "OK here it comes - here is where things turn". Then in the 4th verse I got confused. Does the first line refer to coming back from the holiday of the 3rd verse and what does the 2nd line mean about "talking points or matter of fact"? What is the unfinished business and why are things ending with regret? Everything in your story really sounded positive. Am I missing something?

Hi Daryl,
it's about a holiday romance that is great while it lasted. When the guy gets home he is unsure about how real it was. With feet on the ground has a double meaning, having landed after his flight and also back to reality, a sort of anti-climax. The third verse is just the end of his vacation and they have to part. The fourth verse is the double meaning and also he is unsure where he stands. It's really just an outline of a story and needs to be longer. The bridge bit is where I need a chorus 'cos that one doesn't fit, so is really a place holder, but the subject is 'only yesterday.' To be honest I wasn't sure where this story was going because it's really not based on anything concrete. As I have said before, I much prefer just writing a song with words and music together. I find this method of writing the words first without music, really sterile. I don't think this works for me, I just don't feel it. I probably should have got the guitar out.

Tom N.

Tom I exactly thought that when I was reading your lyricks,,,(the meaning)

Willem

Thanks Willem,
you are tuned in.

Tom N.

[thereshopeyet]

Tom Wrote:

Strum it first to try and get some kind of rhythm going.

I was thinking that too, keep it simple an see where it goes.
Willem's finger picking is nice ( are you his stunt double Tom ? )

[tombo1230]

thereshopeyet wrote:

Tom Wrote:

Strum it first to try and get some kind of rhythm going.

I was thinking that too, keep it simple an see where it goes.
Willem's finger picking is nice ( are you his stunt double Tom ? )

No, it's Joey Tribbiani from friends. :laugh: There was an episode where Joey had a hand twin. :laugh: :woohoo:


Tom N.

[thereshopeyet]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: .... Tom..... :huh:

He escaped !!! :ohmy:

[tombo1230]

thereshopeyet wrote:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: .... Tom..... :huh:

He escaped !!! :ohmy:

Just in the nick of time. :laugh:

[michelew]

Daryl, Willem, Dermot, Tom, thanks so much guys. On listening to it again today there's lots of things I'd change if I were to keep working in this (including the balance, which sounds pretty bad through ear buds, oh and the singing... And...haha ). But the main thing I was trying to get out of this was just the trying to pull something together.

Daryl - the drums come from Anders one if the new rock drummers in GarageBand. This is a basic preset pattern (two different sections). Besides selecting different drummers (who have different styles) you have a choice of genres, complexity, ... Actually there are so many choices that its somewhat overwhelming. It sure is more fun to play to than a metronome or clicker. The selection of drumming style was one if the things that lead me down the "not sweet" track. Who knows? Maybe I'll explore the drumming options and come up with something wildly different.

I like the changes you've made to your lyrics. Be prepared that it might change a little or significantly if you start to put music to it. That's not a bad thing. I think it's the doing that's important.

How do I approach the lyrics thing? I find that I make up tunes and lyrics in all sorts of ways. Sometimes I'll be playing with Kaylee or kids and I'll ad lib new lyrics to a popular tune or an ad jingle. Sometimes I hear a progression that inspires me which is best because you have a mood that you can then play with. Using the phrase approach was cool too. When I read "only yesterday" after a few minutes the main repeating melody popped into my head (just the first phrase) and that gave me enough to start playing with what was yesterday, what is today. It doesn't matter where you start or how it changes as you play with it.

It's been great to see the responses and amount of collaboration that this thread has created. Cool idea Daryl.
If anyone would like to take my lyrics and run with them, borrow bits and turn them into something else, go for it. Hell maybe someone can turn them into a beautiful ballad instead of a rough rock attempt. yep I was really tempted to get into the singing more, more attitude. I think it sounded better when the vocals were more amongst the other tracks rather than above them too. Whatever, it was fun.

Who's next?


Dermot - there's some pretty heavy lyrics and some great phrases in your creation. I hope you end up putting some music around at least some of it. Cool.

Willem - good luck with your doodling. Have fun.

Tom - I really like your story. There's both a scenario that lots of people can relate to as well as mystery. Are you going to put some music around it?

Takhak - cool story. You could definitely turn that into something.

Have I missed anyone? This thread is getting pretty long.

Thanks. It's been fun.

Shel

[thereshopeyet]

Daryl Wrote:

I remember Friday night sleep overs and swinging in the park
And our tasty week-end Dim Sum feasts
Our Sunday open-house tours and laughing ‘til dark
And it still seems like only yesterday in a heart beat

I've been thinking of small changes to this verse Daryl and came up with this:

I remember Friday night sleepovers and swinging in the park
The clink of our glasses with tasty Dim Sum feasts
Sunday hospitality tours and laughing 'til dark
It seems like only yesterday in a heart beat.


Dermot

[michelew]

Daryl,

Ness recently posted this link

www.guitarplayer.com/miscellaneous/1139 ... wess/23205

It's to an interview with Jason Mraz where he talks about his songwriting process. Part of what he does is to get one of his friends to play a progression over and over in a loop. While that's happening, he just sings anything that comes into his head and gives himself permission to go a little crazy. I found it really interesting. I've used that approach too sort of when I've been trying to write lyrics for a progress that you or another TG friend has written for example. I also just sit down and write some rhyming lines that fit the mood I'm trying to match. So write, sing, adjust, write some more. I think you personally are better off in some respects trying to fit lyrics to music rather than the other way around. All approaches may give you a cool song, but since you've got the progression thing licked, why not start there? That way the meter is reinforcing itself.

It's all good.

M

[thereshopeyet]

Michelle

That's an interesting link.

[tombo1230]

michelew wrote:

Daryl,

Ness recently posted this link

www.guitarplayer.com/miscellaneous/1139 ... wess/23205

It's to an interview with Jason Mraz where he talks about his songwriting process. Part of what he does is to get one of his friends to play a progression over and over in a loop. While that's happening, he just sings anything that comes into his head and gives himself permission to go a little crazy. I found it really interesting. I've used that approach too sort of when I've been trying to write lyrics for a progress that you or another TG friend has written for example. I also just sit down and write some rhyming lines that fit the mood I'm trying to match. So write, sing, adjust, write some more. I think you personally are better off in some respects trying to fit lyrics to music rather than the other way around. All approaches may give you a cool song, but since you've got the progression thing licked, why not start there? That way the meter is reinforcing itself.

It's all good.

M

I totally agree with Michele here.

Tom N.