Songwriting/Lyric Challenge (Only Yesterday)

[michelew]

Hey Daryl,

You've got some nice memories in there, sad too.

Ok mine first cut is below. Sorry, I'm definitely cheating on the structure (unless you treat the first three sets of lines as a verse), but this is what's happening for me.

I've got a couple of progressions and melody lines in my head. I think the progression works OK, but it doesn't make sense to me musically, so I'm suspicious that I'm breaking too many rules. I'll see if I can record a couple of things tomorrow. Off to bed now.

Here's the lyrics.


Only Yesterday

Only yesterday my heart was blue,
I hadn't even heard of you
But now you've got me singing in the street

Only yesterday I wore a frown
Now my life's turned upside down
And I'm as playful as can be

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Only yesterday my life was small
Now I'm walking ten feet tall
The world's a wond'rous place to be

Only yesterday my life was gray
And now you've blown that all away
You've sparked a fire inside of me

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Now my heart's been set alight. (Mostly Same progression as the oohs)
I'm energised and full of fight
You've rocked my world with you alchemy

Only yesterday my heart was blue
And now it's full of love for you
You're one sweet gorgeous symphony

[daryl]

Nice. You definitely have a knack. I'm curious to hear what your "oooohs" sound like. But I think your "story" would flow better if you reversed the last two verses.

[willem]

For me it looks happy,,well it must be..,,I think many major chords :laugh: B) ,,your hear the main melody so I am very curious how the music would sound..maybe a wals??

Goodluck

Willem

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

michelew wrote:

Hey Daryl,

You've got some nice memories in there, sad too.

Ok mine first cut is below. Sorry, I'm definitely cheating on the structure (unless you treat the first three sets of lines as a verse), but this is what's happening for me.

I've got a couple of progressions and melody lines in my head. I think the progression works OK, but it doesn't make sense to me musically, so I'm suspicious that I'm breaking too many rules. I'll see if I can record a couple of things tomorrow. Off to bed now.

Here's the lyrics.


Only Yesterday

Only yesterday my heart was blue,
I hadn't even heard of you
But now you've got me singing in the street

Only yesterday I wore a frown
Now my life's turned upside down
And I'm as playful as can be

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Only yesterday my life was small
Now I'm walking ten feet tall
The world's a wond'rous place to be

Only yesterday my life was gray
And now you've blown that all away
You've sparked a fire inside of me

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Now my heart's been set alight. (Mostly Same progression as the oohs)
I'm energised and full of fight
You've rocked my world with you alchemy

Only yesterday my heart was blue
And now it's full of love for you
You're one sweet gorgeous symphony

[tombo1230]

willem wrote:

I agree all of it with you,,that starts me thinkin which key to use,,many times I thought start in C and then maybe looking further which key would work better for the song.

Willem

Hi Willem,
why not sit down with your guitar and play/strum some chord combinations together and see what appears that takes your fancy. You can
have a key in the back of your mind, but it's not everything to start with. Just find something you like, then repeat it and try some words with it
and see where it takes you. At that point you are songwriting. Go on you can do it!

Tom N.

[willem]

Daryl,the last verse almost weeped me up..

Willem
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

daryl wrote:

OK. Here's my first attempt at "Only Yesterday". Thoughts? Suggestions?

Sparkling blue eyes when you smiled
Playing our Happy Day game
Saving Mario from the wild
It all seems like only yesterday

Friday night sleep overs
Week-end Dim Sum buffets
Our Sunday open-house tours
Still seems like only yesterday

Time has a way of slipping away
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Now you’re grown and on your own
You’ll visit soon or so you say
Thinking sadly now if I had known
Oh how I wish it were only yesterday

[tombo1230]

michelew wrote:

Only Yesterday

Only yesterday my heart was blue,
I hadn't even heard of you
But now you've got me singing in the street

Only yesterday I wore a frown
Now my life's turned upside down
And I'm as playful as can be

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Only yesterday my life was small
Now I'm walking ten feet tall
The world's a wond'rous place to be

Only yesterday my life was gray
And now you've blown that all away
You've sparked a fire inside of me

Oooooh, ooooooh, oooooh-ooh-ooh
Ooooh, oooooh, oooooh, oooooooh

Now my heart's been set alight. (Mostly Same progression as the oohs)
I'm energised and full of fight
You've rocked my world with you alchemy

Only yesterday my heart was blue
And now it's full of love for you
You're one sweet gorgeous symphony

Hi Michelle,

good start but I don't see much progress in story telling terms. Personally I would like to see more of a journey in your song.

For instance:

Start: Setting things up, scene setting if you like.

Middle: Where you have been and where you are going storywise.

End: The final outcome, which can be hanging or defined as you feel.

For instance: Where is this story taking place, who are you both and what are your stories, why were you blue and how has this person managed to transform your feelings so magically? Twists and turns? How does it all end?

These are just my thoughts on this, feel free to disagree. It is first viewing observations and are my suggestions to be helpful.

You can get your own back when I post something.


Tom N.

[thereshopeyet]

Michelle and Daryl :ohmy:

Awesome !

:ohmy:

[tombo1230]

daryl wrote:

OK. Here's my first attempt at "Only Yesterday". Thoughts? Suggestions?

Sparkling blue eyes when you smiled
Playing our Happy Day game
Saving Mario from the wild
It all seems like only yesterday

Friday night sleep overs
Week-end Dim Sum buffets
Our Sunday open-house tours
Still seems like only yesterday

Time has a way of slipping away
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Now you’re grown and on your own
You’ll visit soon or so you say
Thinking sadly now if I had known
Oh how I wish it were only yesterday

This is a very good start imho, You tell us what your relationship was like, obviously good and now it's not so secure. I see a lot of melancholly and maybe regret. I want more story in the middle, how has this come about. I would also like to see some more rhyming.

The lines: 'Time has a way of slipping away' There are too many way and away sounds here.
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Could read: The sands of time are slipping by
another day gone in the blink of an eye. Depends what works when it is sung.
or: (another day dawns in the blink of an eye.)

Personally, I would try to avoid rhyming on the same line as in the line: 'Now you’re grown and on your own,' to me that's a waste of a rhyme,
similar to the way and away part I mentioned.

Hope this is useful, if you don't agree then that is cool. This is just my opinion on the basics.

Tom N.

[daryl]

tombo1230 wrote:

daryl wrote:

OK. Here's my first attempt at "Only Yesterday". Thoughts? Suggestions?

Sparkling blue eyes when you smiled
Playing our Happy Day game
Saving Mario from the wild
It all seems like only yesterday

Friday night sleep overs
Week-end Dim Sum buffets
Our Sunday open-house tours
Still seems like only yesterday

Time has a way of slipping away
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Now you’re grown and on your own
You’ll visit soon or so you say
Thinking sadly now if I had known
Oh how I wish it were only yesterday

This is a very good start imho, You tell us what your relationship was like, obviously good and now it's not so secure. I see a lot of melancholly and maybe regret. I want more story in the middle, how has this come about. I would also like to see some more rhyming.

The lines: 'Time has a way of slipping away' There are too many way and away sounds here.
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Could read: The sands of time are slipping by
another day gone in the blink of an eye. Depends what works when it is sung.
or: (another day dawns in the blink of an eye.)

Personally, I would try to avoid rhyming on the same line as in the line: 'Now you’re grown and on your own,' to me that's a waste of a rhyme,
similar to the way and away part I mentioned.

Hope this is useful, if you don't agree then that is cool. This is just my opinion on the basics.

Tom N.

VERY helpful. That is EXACTLY what I was hoping for with this thread. I did think that the way/away line was wrong. I just didn't know how to change it. Your 'sands of time slipping by in the blink of an eye' work well (but you're still rhyming somewhat in the same line: "time" and "by" just not as closely as "way" and "away"). Thanks!

[daryl]

tombo1230 wrote:

daryl wrote:

OK. Here's my first attempt at "Only Yesterday". Thoughts? Suggestions?

Sparkling blue eyes when you smiled
Playing our Happy Day game
Saving Mario from the wild
It all seems like only yesterday

Friday night sleep overs
Week-end Dim Sum buffets
Our Sunday open-house tours
Still seems like only yesterday

Time has a way of slipping away
In the blink of an eye there goes another day

Now you’re grown and on your own
You’ll visit soon or so you say
Thinking sadly now if I had known
Oh how I wish it were only yesterday

This is a very good start imho, You tell us what your relationship was like, obviously good and now it's not so secure. I see a lot of melancholly and maybe regret. I want more story in the middle, how has this come about. I would also like to see some more rhyming.

Tom N.

Could you elaborate on the "more rhyming"? I did attempt a rhyming pattern of ABAB (smiled/game/wild/day) (overs/buffets/tours/day) and (own/say/known/day). Any suggestions on how to improve things?